Letter to my Mommy

Dear mom,
You have dealt with me and my weirdness for eighteen years (and counting). Many have led me to believe that the exact second that I turned eighteen and go off to college, that you would be out of the equation. But in all honesty, I know that I will bother you no matter where I go. Because you see, you have been my one and true friend since birth, so something as minor as college can't get rid of me. As much as I would love to say that I will continue to find a reason to talk to you or see you just to annoy you, but I would be partially lying. Moving away on my own is scary and exciting all at once, but I really don't know how life will be without seeing you everyday. I know you think of me as mature and that I will be fine on my own, and why should I argue with you when you are right? But independence is frightening. I know that although I will have to learn to be on my own and handle situations that I would usually think "My mom will deal with it", I will always need you. And that right there is what lets me know that I will be okay. Realizing that I will always have someone there for me no matter how alone I feel, knowing that I will always have you in my life will be enough for me. So thank you mommy. For not only dealing with me on all of those nights when I was up until two in the morning trying to finish assignments, upset for what seemed like no reason, or just when I get too goofy and I annoyed you to the point where I know you wanted to hit me (and sometimes you would be I would just laugh it off). But I just want you to know how grateful I am to have stability in this uncertain life of ours and I hope that even when I doubt myself that you will continue to be proud of me and see me as someone that I hope that I am.
Love Lauren aka Lolly    

Frankl-y Speaking

While reading this book, a quote that really stuck with me was in the preface. Frankl says "to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying." This quote made me stop and think about all of the things that I have faced. I always was that person that believed that everything happens for a reason. So even when I wish this bad thing or that bad thing never happened to me, I always end up thinking " If I didn't live through this, then that good thing most likely wouldn't have happened." This quote also made me think that everything about our existence has a meaning even the very small things.

But what also comes to mind while trying to process the quote, I recall when Frankl later says how if there is no meaning in suffering, then there is no meaning in surviving, which leads to life not being worth living at all. And also, I remember hearing or reading that even when someone survives, they can only focus on the suffering and can't find a meaning in it. That combined with life not being worth living if there's no meaning in suffering and surviving, I wonder: Is that the point where people make the choice to take their own lives? When there is no purpose and absolutely no meaning in their lives, is that when they decide that there is no point of continuing with life?

Our Stranger Meaning

"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace." -Jimi Hendrix
It is no surprise that I would choose a Jimi Hendrix quote to explain what I believe that he thought was meaningful. In many of his songs and the things he used to say, when you get down to it, was about peace for all. I think that for him, this is his meaning of life. Although he valued his music and guitars a lot, at the end of the day, equality, peace, and passion for life was something that he defined living life as. Personally, I agree. Our history is known for so much destruction in the name of power. But like Jimi said in the quote "the power of love" can lead to the great things in life for all of humanity and even animals and plants (just the world and ALL of its inhabitants in general). When humans learn to think with their hearts instead of their fists, there wouldn't be so much death, poverty, and just overall unnecessary struggles and devastation. In The Stranger, Meursault most likely wouldn't agree with this meaning of life. Although, honestly, I think he probably wouldn't care. He just seems to go with the flow of things with no real emotion attached to the things he gets into. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that for Meursault, the meaning of life has no meaning for him. And so it makes me think of an earlier blog "The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living". For Meursault, it is just the way he is to not question his life and to just accept things as they come. From that, in the end, we find out that his utter acceptance of things that most people would hesitate at participating in, leaves him with the death penalty. Although meaning is completely subjective, Meursault wasn't able to experience the meaning for most people because of his "go with the flow" attitude throughout the story.

Thankful for a Classmate!

Since freshman year I have had a really good friend; my lovely, crazy and weird friend Ayicia. She always makes me laugh and makes me feel better when I am down. I have always been drawn to people that are really talented in things that I can not do myself and people that are passionate about their talents and for her it is fashion and art. She is respectable and her differences has only made us even closer as friends. Only recently did I realize that she has become a sister to me. I am grateful that I had the chance to have that kind of relationship for so long and that she hasn't given up on me even when I am being a jerk. Although we are graduating soon and going our separate ways, I know that I will miss her truly and take what I have learned from her with me everywhere I go.

Into the Wild- Alone

We talked in class about how going into the wild can be a freeing experience and a potential good one-if you are a professional survivalist that is. For me I would love to experience a life away from the city because it can be overwhelming to have a lot of expectations that I HAVE to live up to. Living in the wild seemed simple. But I know that I wouldn't be able to get rid of my old life completely. It is too ingrained into who I am to burn it. Being alone also has its appeal. To only worry about oneself and focus on Self, as Siddhartha would say, could lead me to an enlightenment like I think it did for Chris at the end of the movie. To finally find happiness and to be okay with how your life turned out is something that I believe most of us want to achieve and for Chris, going into wilderness by himself was how he accomplished it. But I don't think that I could be alone for that long. Although I consider myself an introvert, I have spent my entire life surrounded by people, some similar to me and others that are complete opposites. I have learned both directly and indirectly from plenty of people. And running away into a dangerous situation to get away from that seemed to me that Chris was trying to run away from himself. I believe that in the process of running away from the expectations of growing up in modern society and using a false identity and life only made it harder for him to discover himself. By the time that he passed away, I think his enlightenment was finally realizing that a decision that wasn't predetermined by his parents, a decision that he chose on his own. He was able to finally accomplish something that wasn't decided for him, so by the end he felt happy with himself to finally call himself by his right name.

We Still Haven't Figured This Out Yet!

This prompt took a long time for me to come up with a response to. But now, I think that what we still haven't figured out yet depends on the individuals. What we know and find out differs for every person. What I have figured out, someone else probably hasn't figured it out for themselves. Although this "answer" is very vague, it is honest. We all come from different backgrounds , families, communities, etc. It is extremely difficult to know for sure what "we" as a whole hasn't figured out yet.

How Do I Know What I Know??

This question is extremely hard to answer. When I think about it one can not be completely certain about something. But mainly what I know, is given to me by people or many sources for information such as movies, books, the news, etc. I either learn it, read it, or have experienced it. I use what I have learned to use in my own life. But when it really comes down to it, how do I really know that this is something I am sure about?? It is hard to know for sure. I think that the lack of certainty leads to the many questions that comes with living life. Like why do I do what I do? Plenty of questions arise all of the time, yet the answer is never really satisfying.  Sometimes when it comes to "knowing" what I know, it mostly comes from intuition, or a feeling that I am certain of something. But feeling it doesn't necessarily mean  that it is right. So does that mean knowing  isn't always right? So if it isn't right, then what is the  point of knowing something??